I Married a Human Being

Dear Reader,

This is going to be an unusual writing but I want you to pay attention to every sentence you come across in your course of reading this piece. Just grab your cup of coffee or tea and sip as you read.

I have read many relationship books and I have listened to lots of preachers and teachers that talk about relationships and marriages. Also I have watched many couples closely and one thing struck me. I won’t be in a hurry to tell you what struck me.

So I was strolling down Zorge street in Rostov in Russia and I saw a couple holding their hands as they walk and then all of a sudden the old man stopped and looked at her old lady and smiled, and then he bent a little and kissed her forehead down to her lips. I was marvelled and in my mind I said, “real love does exist and it does last.” For a moment I wanted what they have because it looked so beautiful. Ohhh I want to love like that in my old age with the love of my life. I want us to grow old together and travel the world together. Back to this old lovey-dovey couple, they noticed I was looking and so I had to look away and then they walked towards my direction and I smiled at them. They smiled back at me and the lady said, ” you are such a beautiful young lady and I think that you are not a Russian, what are you doing at the moment in Russia?” Well I answered that I came to study in Russia. The man said, “oh that’s nice, you must be so confident to must have come all the way to this place to study in Russian language and I hope you are enjoying your stay?” I nodded that I am enjoying my stay and then they walked away as I watched them still holding hands like newly wedded couple.

Another day, I was strolling down Pushkin street in Rostov and I saw lots of couples, both old and young, and I said to myself, “everyone wants to love and be loved.” Love is indeed a beautiful thing when you see them around you and in your life. Love is kind, patient, forgiving, sweet and joyful. If love has all these attributes, then why do people divorce? Is it that they stopped loving each other? What actually went wrong? When I look at the statistics of divorce, my heart leap a little. How can something so sweet become sour or bitter in the long run? What is the right explanation for love going sour? If you hear some divorce cases, you will notice that 90% of them if not all still love each other, then why can’t they stay and fight for what they care about? Maybe because the strength to fight and protect their love is no longer there.

If you have read up to this paragraph, I will be revealing what struck me. What struck me is the understanding that couples who are still together have. And that understanding is that they married a human being. Now and then we meet someone and then we fall in love. Years down the line, you see characters that, that person never exhibited before and you will be wondering if he/she is still the same person. Well, she is still the one, the only difference right now is that you have seen her finish. In Nigeria we call it, ‘see finish.’ Meaning you know everything about this person and you are now contemplating on if you can stay with him/her for the rest of your life. We are humans and we are all flawed including your pastor or priest who you think is the most righteous person on earth.

Having it at the back of your mind that you are dealing with a human being and not a robot will help you relate better in your relationships. You must be willing to give people the opportunity to grow and work on their flaws. If you keep walking out on them, you will continue doing that for the rest of your life and you might get frustrated. Love is forgiving. You should have the heart to forgive and say sorry as well. There are situations where we forgive but we still decide to walk away. Situations like physical abuse and chronic cheating. I would not advice anyone to remain in a place that is harmful to his/her life. Having said that, we are flawed humans and we will keep dealing with other flawed humans. Being a human explains it all. It is only a robot that obeys exact commands and humans do not operate like that. So understanding that you are dealing with a human in your relationship/marriage will save you from a lot of stress.

Apart from forgiveness, we also need patience. This is a very great attribute of love. Your partner might be difficult to handle and you feel that he/she does not hear you, I think that they actually do but they are looking for ways to make things right or do what you want to make the relationship succulent and happy to be in. Did you learn how to walk in oneday? It was a gradual process, you first learn to stand, walk a step or two and fall till you become perfect. So if there is anything you don’t like about your partner and you know fully well that it is not a ground (like abuse and chronic cheating) to end things, then you need to give them that patience they deserve from you in order to work on their flaws and make things better. If you are the flawed one, I mean we all are, you must be willing to accept your flaw and work on it. Having the willingness to work on things creates a lot of difference.

You know divorce does not happen because people fell out of love, divorce happens because people lack the willingness to work on their relationships/marriages.

Thank you.

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